MarriedtoSoccer

I traveled to a new city this past weekend to see my husbands new team play their first home game of the season. Nothing was familiar, everything around me was new and it hit me that I was starting over in a new city AGAIN. I couldn’t wait to get home to Austin; where I still live with my 2 boys until the end of the school year.

My friend, also from Austin, and her 2 boys came and sat with me the 2nd half of the game. Her husband, having just retired from playing, is now coaching for the team that was playing against my husbands team that evening. This is her first year as a coaches wife and we were talking about the differences in schedules and responsibilities in coaching as opposed to the schedule of a player. This is why it’s so important to have your own community of friends and other wives.

A move is especially difficult when you’ve fallen in love with a city, made amazing new friends and stayed in that city 2+ years. It’s hard to watch your children do their goodbye tour. You know that they are saying goodbye to their schools, their friends, their sports teams, neighbors, favorite local restaurants etc.

The goodbye tour plan starts the minute that you realize you are moving to a new city. You make a list of all of your favorite people, places and restaurants in your current city. And then you plan your time accordingly. I had 6 months from the time that the new contract was signed. Others have less than a month.

Last weekend, I was part of the goodbye tour for my friend and her 2 kids that I love so dearly. Kids that I’ve babysat and watch grow up over the last 4 years. We had our pre-goodbye at a park on a sunny day with food trucks and laughs and then ironically our reall goodbye (or see you soon) was at a soccer game where our husbands were coaching opposing teams for the 1st time. There were laughs, hugs and tears but it’s just part of the process for us.

My kids and I have a full list for our goodbye tour. We have fallen in love with this sweet city. Austin has been our home for 4 years. My best friend lives in our neighborhood and our kids are besties with her kids. This makes things even harder.

We have a list of 25+ restaurants to visit again. We have MANY outdoor activities to do- our favorite parks, playgrounds and springs to visit. The goodbye tour is full of fun and happiness and also full of tears. We schedule our last month with all of the friends we want to see. Luckily for us, we are only moving 3 hours away- we are moving to Dallas. My best friends parents will live 30 minutes from us so we get to see them a lot and drive back to Austin from time to time. Other moves are harder. Other move across the country or even out of the country.

We start over and we do it all over again. We just hope and pray that the next goodbye tour is in the distant future- in this business the distant future is 4+ years. Just enough time to fall in love with your new city and make things even harder. This makes us stronger but the process is heartbreaking. People on the outside think our lives are glamorous. No one really thinks about what the wives and kids go through behind the scenes. We are the back bone.

Every team that my husband has been with has a special place in my heart for different reasons. They will ALWAYS hold that place in my heart. However, I am not a fan of those teams. I would presume that 95% of WAGS feel the exact same way that I do. Of course we wear the sweatshirts, buy shoes with the color of the team and our wardrobe slowly gains more articles with the colors of that team. We are supportive of that team while they are paying our bills- after we are gone, we simply take the good memories with us and leave the rest. We are not fans.

Many of us view the fan(atic)s as a pain in our asses. The ones chanting your husbands name today are the same ones chanting for him to get fired tomorrow. It’s inevitable. While the supporter section is a big part of the game, they aren’t a part of the sport and we view them as court jesters; there to provide another form of entertainment for those who showed up to be part of the fun, the atmosphere and the food but know little of the sport itself. They sing fun songs, they throw beer in the air and wear face paint and silly costumes. WAGS may clap along with them and smile but we give little to no more attention to them other than that. We are not fans.

We are there to support our husbands and boyfriends, we have grown to love the sport and we are there to watch the game and spend time with each other. The game is viewed differently from our point of view. The highs are extreme highs and the lows are extreme lows. Fans are disappointed in a loss and go on about their lives 30 mintues later. Some go to social media to communicate their disappointment. A loss changes the feeling in our homes until the next game. A loss can mean that our husbands or boyfriends may lose their job. We are not fans!

My husband was recently with a club where the coaches wives and families sat in general seating. All fine and dandy until an extreme hater has season tickets right behind you. After a tough season, one fanatic in particular, took it upon himself to be the poster boy of the fire the coach club. He hired a plane to fly around the stadium with a banner begging the team to fire the coach. He yelled horrible things at the game and my children had to sit there for an entire season and listen to this man yell for their father to lose his job along with the head coach and the rest of the coaching staff. My CHILDREN had to endure that game after game. We are not the same as the people sitting in the stadium hoping their favorite team wins so that they can justify celebrating by buying their 5th $20 beer. We are not fans.

When you enter a relationship with a player or coach your lifestyle changes. You end up watching 10+ games on TV every week. Your weekend is filled with the stress before the game, the game itself and the outcome- good or bad. You learn a lot about the sport along the way and then on game days you sit in the stands with people who look like they’ve never ran down their drive way yell things like: “shoot it!” “boot it!” “what the fuck are you doing?!” You know they don’t understand the sport and you have to sit there and keep a neutral face while internally dealing with the stress of the game. We are not fans!

If I had one piece of advice to share with the league (and all of the other soccer leagues across the world), it would be this…. provide mental health services for the families. You have no idea the toll that this takes on wives, girlfriends and children. We are not fans! Go team!

Surrounded by professional soccer players, growing up running around stadiums, traveling with the team, hanging out at the lake with players whose names are on the backs of 1/2 the jerseys in the stadium, having dinner with famous players and coaches, being handed opportunities like going to concerts or the Super Bowl because of who your dad is…. it can be difficult to raise humble children when this is their norm.

My kids have signed jerseys from their favorite players hanging in their closet- including a personalized jersey from Messi. They have access to talk to many players any time they want. My oldest has a Liverpool player that is his absolute favorite player and he was able to get that player to send a video to him. When this is your kids norm it can be hard to find a balance. We have ALWAYS down played things for them while also telling them that this is not the norm for other children. We try hard to discourage idolizing anyone, especially players. My kids are able to see that these are normal people with an extraordinary talent and the reason why so many other people idolize them is because they don’t see them as normal people because this is not their norm.

We make sure that our kids see the other side of life also. They go to public school and have sat in the classroom with homeless children. We have them volunteer to see how privileged they are. We talk to them constantly about how we treat others and our focus should always be to serve others and make others feel special. It’s best to let them know how privileged they are, acknowledge it and be so grateful for it.

Two of the most important things to teach your kids are humility and gratitude and we focus on both every opportunity we get. Our children know that their childhood is magical and they try and share those experiences with their friends as often as possible.

Nothing ruins a good Saturday morning like an early morning soccer game listening to parents side line coach. I’ve observed youth soccer games at all levels and the parents absolutely grind my damn soul! You can tell how much a parent knows about the sport by how they act on the side line and it’s always the parents who look like they couldn’t possibly run down the driveway if they had to that make the most noise.

“Man on”, “Oh good ball”, “good idea”, “ref, what was that!?”, “take the shot”. These are the phrases that the soccer neophytes yell at each game- and many of them remain ignorant after years and years of watching their kids run up and down the pitch. The ones that have good sense and intermediate knowledge of the game will sit and quietly watch. You will find my smug ass sitting in a corner by myself (and sometimes with one or 2 friends) silently (and sometimes not so silently) judging the hell out of the soccer jackasses.

This may be a shocker but it’s often the girls soccer player parents who are the absolute worst. I went to an indoor game over the weekend- there was an all girl team playing before my sons game. Anna’s mom called her name so many times that I started counting. In the last 5 minutes of the game Anna’s name was called 17 times. Poor Anna!!! The mom who looks like she couldn’t even kick a bad habit much less a damn ball was joy sticking poor Anna yelling every move that she thought her 11 year old daughter needed to do.

Dear parents, these kids have coaches- you know that, right? You coaching your kid from the side line is undermining what their coach has told them. AND… you sound nuts!

And poor Max! His dad constantly gassing him up thinking that every one of his moves is the best. His kid gets a touch and daddio yells “oh good ball” right before the ball reaches the feet of the other team. “Good. idea” everytime Max tries a one touch pass and it goes flying out of bounds. Max will never learn that his actions aren’t all good if dad (who plays football with his other son on the pitch at halftime- barf) keeps gassing him up and making him think he’s a super star.

I’ve seen the video of CR7 and Messi at their kids games a hundred times. Do you think they were standing and yelling their kids names and arguing with refs? Nope!

Speaking of arguing with refs… do you think that helps the team at all? Again, no it doesn’t. It pisses the refs off and then they make calls against us.

For the love of all that is holy- sit down, watch your kid play the sport they love, stay quiet and on the drive home just let them talk.

Being married to a soccer player or coach can create a huge shift in your identity. So much of your life becomes intertwined with their career that it’s easy to lose sight of who you are outside of the “wife of” title. It’s easy to get caught up in their world and forget that you have your own dreams, goals, and passions.

But as the years go by, you may start to feel like you’re standing in the shadows of your spouse’s success, while your own ambitions take a backseat. You’re busy being the caretaker, the organizer, the one who makes sure the home is a stable, loving environment for the kids, but what about you? What about your own career, your hobbies, your needs?

There’s often little time to nurture your own interests or even relax without guilt. And as you take on the lion’s share of responsibility at home, there’s a nagging feeling that you’re losing yourself in the process. The soccer world can be all-consuming, and you’re often left trying to catch up with your own desires outside of that world.

The Community and the Loneliness

One of the hardest parts of living in the shadow of a player is the sense of loneliness that can creep in. When your partner is away for games or training, the house feels quiet, and you’re left with the heavy task of managing everything alone. Yes, you have friends and family who offer support, but when the rest of the world is focused on your spouse’s career, it can be easy to feel isolated in your own life.

That’s why finding a solid community of other soccer wives or partners can make all the difference. There’s a unique bond that forms when you share the same challenges, the same lifestyle. You understand the struggles of having your partner’s job come first, the loneliness of time apart, and the shared victories and defeats that come with the territory.

But even with the support of other wives and friends, there’s still the lingering feeling that no one outside of this community truly understands the toll it takes on you. You can’t always express the frustration, the exhaustion, or the longing for more without feeling guilty or like you’re complaining. The soccer world is so focused on the players, and yet, the women behind them are often the ones left picking up the pieces.

Finding Balance: The Reward in the Chaos

Despite all the challenges and sacrifices, being married to a soccer player can be rewarding. Watching your partner do what they love, supporting their dreams, and seeing their success is fulfilling in its own right. But it’s also about finding balance. Finding ways to make sure that, in the midst of supporting your spouse and caring for the family, you don’t lose sight of your own happiness and well-being.

It’s okay to carve out time for yourself, to take pride in your own achievements, and to acknowledge that your role is just as important. You’re the glue that keeps everything together, and your worth doesn’t lie solely in the reflection of your partner’s career. You deserve to shine in your own right, even if it’s not on the field.

At the end of the day, it’s a partnership. And while the spotlight might often be on your spouse, the work you do behind the scenes is what makes everything possible. So, even if you’re living in the shadow of a soccer player, remember: you’re the one who makes the light shine a little brighter.

When you’re married to a soccer player or coach, life often feels like a balancing act—like a never-ending juggling routine where you’re always a step away from dropping something important. From the outside, being the spouse of a soccer player means the thrill of watching their partner on the field, the excitement of game day, and the pride of their accomplishments. But behind those moments of glory, there’s a quieter, less glamorous side to the story: the reality of holding down the fort while your partner is out there chasing his dream.

As the wife of a soccer player or coach, especially if you’re also raising kids, managing the house, and doing everything in between, it can often feel like you’re living in the shadow of their career—like your own world revolves around their schedule, their needs, and their success. The sacrifices you make don’t always get acknowledged, and while you support your spouse through every win and loss, you sometimes find yourself lost in the shuffle.

So, what’s it really like? Let’s talk about the behind-the-scenes truth of being the one who runs the show behind the scenes, the one who keeps everything running smoothly, while your partner gets all the spotlight.

The Emotional Toll of Feeling Like “The Other Half”

There’s something oddly isolating about being married to a player/coach. When your partner is out there on the field, surrounded by fans, teammates, and media attention, it’s easy to feel like you’re living in the background of their success. You’re not the one in the interviews, not the one on the field, but you’re the one who feels the emotional highs and lows more intimately than anyone else.

You celebrate every goal, every victory, and every milestone. But at the same time, you also carry the weight of the losses—the missed opportunities, the injuries, and the disappointments. And while your partner is receiving the accolades, the praises, and the limelight, you might be the one wiping away tears after a tough loss or finding yourself alone with the kids while they’re off with the team.

At times, it can feel like the emotional labor of the relationship is all on you. You’re the support system, the cheerleader, the peacekeeper when things get tough, and yet you often go unnoticed. This can lead to a sense of invisibility, as if your life revolves entirely around your partner’s career rather than your own.

The Weight of Managing the Home and Family Alone

The reality of being a soccer wife often involves handling everything that comes with the house and family life solo. The kids’ schedules, doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, school projects, cleaning, cooking—it’s all on you, especially if your spouse is traveling for away games, training camps, or living in another country for the season.

And don’t even get me started on the logistics of it all. You’re the one who makes sure the kids are on time for school, soccer practice, or their friends’ birthday parties. You handle the sick days, the playdates, the parent-teacher conferences, and the last-minute pick-ups from school because your partner can’t always be there due to training or match commitments.

The sacrifices can feel overwhelming. There are days when you wish your partner could just be there to help with the simple things—like folding laundry or doing bedtime routines without having to rush off to a game. But in the world of professional soccer, it’s not always that easy. The demands of their career often leave them drained or preoccupied, and you’re left trying to make everything work.

And let’s face it, it’s easy to feel like your contributions go unnoticed when your partner’s focus is on the game and the team. You handle the house and the kids, but the credit for everything seems to go to the guy who gets to play, score, and show up on social media. There’s no fanfare for you when the laundry gets folded or when the kids are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted despite the instability of a soccer career.

In the end, the best advice I can give to anyone in this position is to build your own community outside AND inside of the soccer world. As a wife, you have an entire team of other wives that you can lean on. But it’s also important to build a community outside of that. A community of people who don’t give one fuck about soccer!

It was bound to happen, right? Your husbands’ world revolves around soccer- he eats, sleeps and breathes it and that often times gets passed down to your kiddos. We have 2 boys (ages 13 and 10) and they both play soccer. I had high hopes for hip hop dancers but I got soccer players. It was bound to happen with 20 soccer balls laying around the house and tons of hours of soccer being watched on a weekly basis. It’s in their blood so what more did I expect?!

My 13 year olds obsession started at a super young age. He chose to play with soccer balls over toys and cuddled up next to his dad as they watched a hundred games each week- small exaggeration but pretty damn close. We chose to sign him up on a team until he requested it- we made it 5 years. This is when your life really starts to revolve around the sport. 2-3 practices a week and games on the weekend. Too cold to play in the winter? Don’t worry- that’s what futsal and indoor are for. Make sure you sign up for multiple games to be the parent who takes snacks (I freaking hate this!). Pay lots of money for your kid to play and then keep up with the uniforms, game times, parent chats, travel etc.

Baby brother was born and then I ended up with 2 kids in soccer. Good lord! No one tells you how different your house starts to smell with multiple pairs of cleats hanging around. It smells like the devils ass if you’re wondering. Parent hack: don’t let the cleats inside your home. Buy a boot dryer and keep in in the garage and demand that the cleats go on the boot dryer after every single practice and game.

And the absolute worst part of youth soccer…. THE OTHER PARENTS! These people are the worst. They know much less than you about the sport and they act like they are soccer aficionados. It’s not all of them but a handful and that’s all it takes to ruin your Saturday. More on this in a future post.

Your kid has soccer in their blood so likely they will play at a high level. This means traveling with them- good luck trying to make it to your husbands games and your kids games and stay sane. The schedules will drive you nuts. My oldest practices 4 nights a week and has games on the weekends. His brother is at a club 25 minutes away. As spouses of coaches and players know, we are basically single parents during season so we have to create a little village in each new city so that we have help. All of this on top of working full time for some of us.

I’m the mom who sits away from the other parents to protect my peace. I’m nice enough and have a small group of parent friends on the team but I keep my distance from most parents. I’m the one at every game and my husband makes it when he can. But as soon as he walks up to the fields there are parents that will swarm. They want information, they want to talk about the last MLS game that he coached, they want to discuss player rumors that they’ve heard and they want to have his attention. Being on this side of things is a wild ride!

We love our children and we love this sport but holy hell- be married to and give birth to this sport takes a special kind of person. But somehow we wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Every season brings change- it happens at the end and even through the beginning of each and every season; in life and in the beautiful game of soccer. As wives, we experience the heart break, the excitement and the anxiety of each season of change. We watch families pack up and move to new cities and sometimes we are the family that packs up and moves to new cities. This season of change has been a big one for my family as we are the family that is packing up and moving. We are watching many of our friends do the same. The coaching staff is moving and many of the players are either retiring or moving to a new team. This is when you feel the heart ache. This is when you start over. This is when you say goodbye to friends who have become family and you prepare to start a new journey in a new city.

If you have children these moves become harder and harder. They are leaving their schools, their friends and their sports teams. You make memories with your kids in each city and home that you live in and sometimes it’s hard to pack up those memories. All families handle the move differently… some wives and children go right away in January when their husbands move. Some wait and move in February when preseason is over. I choose to stay until the school year is complete.

This means that right now my husband is living in Dallas while I’m still in Austin- the kids and I will be here until June. This move is easier because it’s a 3 hour drive. Last move was a 16 hour drive so we had to hop on a plane every couple of weeks.

Choosing this way means that I will be here alone during the winter months when Austin will likely have a freeze (we lose power in the freeze) and I will have to figure it out with 2 kids. It also means that I will be alone while putting the house on the market and packing up the house to move. It means that my husband will likely miss our 5th graders graduation ceremony. I will be a “single mom” trying to navigate my kids’ schedules. When both of them have soccer games at the same time, I will need to get it figured out. All of this while my husband also wants us to make as many home games as possible in Dallas.

With the hard, comes the exciting. Come June we get to move into a new home and make it our own. The kids get to decorate their new rooms. And we get reunited with hubby/papi. We will spend the summer exploring the city- we love finding new favorite restaurants and parks. We meet new friends and create new memories.

The reality is that we will likely do this many more times over. It’s beautiful, hard, stressful, exciting, heartbreaking and fun all at the same time.

Here’s to hoping that all of us saying goodbye to friends and/or our cities have a wonderful 2025 full of hope and adventure!

I knew from an early age that I didn’t want to marry a man that would wear a suit and sit behind a desk everyday. BORING! I wanted someone who is creative and adventurous; an artist. I dated all types of artists; painters, muscians- you name it. And then I met THE ONE.

He was tall, dark and handsome; running down the field after the ball with his longish hair flowing in the wind. He was supposed to be a fling after a break-up … now that name on the back of his jersey is my last name.

His face was on billboards all over Atlanta, they handed out bobble heads of him on a big game night, people chanted his name from the stands and he wore the captains band. Glamorous, right? WRONG! Everything we did was planned around practices and games. The outcome of games affected his mood. He wouldn’t have sex the night before a game because it would “take his legs” and after games he would stay awake until the wee hours of the morning watching footage from the game. What annoyed me most? He wouldn’t eat desert when I was eating it. UGH!

Don’t get me wrong- there were fun sides of being a WAG. We were often asked to go to exclusive events, given things for free and my man was at home for most of the day- no 9-5 schedules here.

He was at the end of his career so I wasn’t a WAG for long (thank God) but then this fling-turned-husband decided his calling was to be a coach and the real stress began. Stay tuned to hear more about that…